Click it or Ticket. I first saw this catchy phrase on a Caltrans sign that showed a seat belt almost clicked around - not a person - but a yellow California-shaped blob. The sign as a whole made sense - especially because it said "Ticket $80-$91" at the bottom also. They want us to put on our seatbelts (and click them) or they will give us a ticket.
But the next time I saw the phrase it was on one of those giant electronic signs like the one that talks to Steve Martin's character in L.A. Story (if you haven't seen L.A. Story, rent it, watch it, and then come back. I'll wait.). Just this huge electronic sign saying CLICK IT OR TICKET in letters each 2-3 feet high. I wondered what would happen - or I guess what DOES happen - when somebody who has not seen the neat-o seatbelt around California sign sees just CLICK IT OR TICKET?
Is there some kind of toll road up ahead that I need a ticket for? Or do I click something when I get there since I don't have a ticket? Is it better to have a ticket or to click? Do I have to pay more if I click, or will I be in some kind of trouble?
You have to figure that a decent number of the people on a freeway have never been there before, and there are enough going by in a day that at least one car contains a conversation like,
"Click it or ticket. Did you see that?"
"Yeah. We're in California. It's probably some kind of weird festival where you don't need a ticket if you click your heels together."
"I bet you're right. Go faster."
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Does Technology Stink?
Forget the iphone and fuel cell systems, some of the most important recent advances have been the many fantastic new devices in air freshener technology.
Just a few years ago, if you wanted to try to cover up the smell of tobacco smoke, cooking odors, baby pee, cat pee, or dog pee, your only options were a can of Lysol or some big clonky Glade thing.
Now we've quickly moved through the plug-in air freshener, to that thing like a CD player that "plays" different smells, to the plug-in freshener with a tiny built-in fan.
What exactly is going on that creates the need for better air freshener technology?
Well, through my in-depth research I have first found that they aren't called air fresheners any more. Now there are scents, fragrances and aromas. They are clearly not all the same thing. I don't know why, but they just aren't. I do know that we (and when I say we I mean the nut jobs who buy these things) seem to be moving beyond simply masking unpleasant odors.
Now we are being sold on creating new scents or aromas in our homes in order to - well I'm not sure what, but it has something to do with mind control, I think. We want people to come into our houses and instead of thinking, "It smells kinda funny in here" we would rather have them think, "It smells kinds funny in here, sorta like pine, cinnamon, and vanilla, but not really."
And the progression of scent technology continues. Now instead of pushing the aroma to the nose of the visitor with sprays, candles, warmers, or little fans, a Dutch company called Rikrhol is developing something better. They have taken advantage of nanotechnology and are near to producing a tiny scent module that can be discreetly placed on a visitor's clothing. This module can be programmed to emit up to 15 scents that will reach the visitor's nose as needed. They can even be set up to give each of several visitors different "scent stories" as they tour your home.
I am glad that we don't have to go to the trouble of opening doors or windows to let in all of that so called fresh air. Now we can have the scent of fresh air from Hawaii, an alpine forest, or a field of wildflowers, and even force it on our guests.
Fantastic.
Just a few years ago, if you wanted to try to cover up the smell of tobacco smoke, cooking odors, baby pee, cat pee, or dog pee, your only options were a can of Lysol or some big clonky Glade thing.
Now we've quickly moved through the plug-in air freshener, to that thing like a CD player that "plays" different smells, to the plug-in freshener with a tiny built-in fan.
What exactly is going on that creates the need for better air freshener technology?
Well, through my in-depth research I have first found that they aren't called air fresheners any more. Now there are scents, fragrances and aromas. They are clearly not all the same thing. I don't know why, but they just aren't. I do know that we (and when I say we I mean the nut jobs who buy these things) seem to be moving beyond simply masking unpleasant odors.
Now we are being sold on creating new scents or aromas in our homes in order to - well I'm not sure what, but it has something to do with mind control, I think. We want people to come into our houses and instead of thinking, "It smells kinda funny in here" we would rather have them think, "It smells kinds funny in here, sorta like pine, cinnamon, and vanilla, but not really."
And the progression of scent technology continues. Now instead of pushing the aroma to the nose of the visitor with sprays, candles, warmers, or little fans, a Dutch company called Rikrhol is developing something better. They have taken advantage of nanotechnology and are near to producing a tiny scent module that can be discreetly placed on a visitor's clothing. This module can be programmed to emit up to 15 scents that will reach the visitor's nose as needed. They can even be set up to give each of several visitors different "scent stories" as they tour your home.
I am glad that we don't have to go to the trouble of opening doors or windows to let in all of that so called fresh air. Now we can have the scent of fresh air from Hawaii, an alpine forest, or a field of wildflowers, and even force it on our guests.
Fantastic.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thankful the Rooster Crows
We live near some farms, vineyards mostly. Some of them have roosters. Unlike how they are portrayed in cartoons, roosters do NOT wake up just before dawn, quietly clear their throats, take a deep breath, and then let out one loud glorious er--er-er--er-ERRRRR just as the sun first drips over the horizon. No,roosters actually start before dawn and crow and crow for quite a while after the sun is up. This is especially true if there is more than one rooster, because then they do a little back and forth deal between them.
I was on the front porch early this foggy morning listening to the roosters and smelling the air since it rained last night. Just as I began to think about what I might do to the roosters if I had a BB gun and a clear line of sight between me and them, my mind wandered again. I thought about that fact that there have been farms with roosters for a long time. Even a hundred years ago. Then I realized that a hundred years ago was 1908, and that didn't seem so long ago. But there were roosters on farms 200 years ago, too. And all this time, those roosters have been crowing. And during bad times, maybe people were glad to hear the rooster crowing because it meant that nobody had to eat the rooster, and the rooster hadn't starved.
Then all of a sudden the crowing sounded just as nice as the air smelled. So I sat a little while longer on the porch in front of the house I get to call mine, even though Wells Fargo really owns it. And I listened and breathed in and out.
Then automatic sprinklers came on simultaneously at three nearby houses because people didn't reset their timers after a recent power outage, so I got up and went inside.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Temptation is All Around Us
I've started looking into why roadside cleanup crews don't have proper protection from injury, and I found this in a document about Adopt-A-Highway cleanup crew safety.
"Sometimes people use unclosed, recyclable
containers for urine disposal. If your group
takes home recyclable items for redemption,
please use extra caution. Resist the temptation
to empty containers of unknown liquids."
Oh. I'll try.
"Sometimes people use unclosed, recyclable
containers for urine disposal. If your group
takes home recyclable items for redemption,
please use extra caution. Resist the temptation
to empty containers of unknown liquids."
Oh. I'll try.
Weed Whackers and Fence Fixers
I was driving on Highway 4 and came along a crew of people on the left side whacking weeds. I've seen similar crews, although they are usually picking up trash on the side of the road. They are not CalTrans employees. And, as I have before, I wondered why these people are a few feet away from my speeding car (65 MPH max., of course) with just a van and a port-o-potty between us. 
I have heard that many of these crews are made up of people who got busted for things like DUI. Does that mean officials figure it would serve them right if they got hit by a drunk driver? This has been bugging me lately.
Compare this to official CalTrans workers. They usually have a mile of cones, flares and flashing signs preceding their work area, which is surrounded by M1A1 Army tanks, painted orange of course.
I am NOT saying that CalTrans workers should have less protection. Some of them still get killed out there, so whatever they need for safety they should get. But why don't the cleanup crews have protection?
Then - I kid you not - about 4 miles down the road I saw an honest-to-goodness CalTrans crew. Actually, I could barely see the crew because of the vehicles in the way.
That's four big trucks on the side of the road. You can't tell from the picture, but the road drops off on that side, and down in the embankment there is another CalTrans truck which is near the chain link fence you can see in the distance. The fence is 20-30 yards from the side of the road. There are two guys finishing a job where they were patching about a 40 foot section of the chain link fence. The truck near the fence probably carried the two guys, the fence material, and all of the tools they needed to fix the fence. Did I mention that the fence is down an embankment and pretty far from the road?
So two guys were needed to fix a fence that is yards from the highway. Naturally, five huge trucks are dispatched to take care of the job.
At the same time, some weeds that are about a car's length from the highway supposedly need to be cut. So some people who maybe took a 20-minute safety class - which probably consisted of watching a video and trying to pick the least gnarly hardhat and orange vest from a box - are sent out to RISK THEIR LIVES doing what a CalTrans crew could do with one of those giant lawnmower attachments I've seen them use on their trucks.
I'm going to look into this.
I have heard that many of these crews are made up of people who got busted for things like DUI. Does that mean officials figure it would serve them right if they got hit by a drunk driver? This has been bugging me lately.Compare this to official CalTrans workers. They usually have a mile of cones, flares and flashing signs preceding their work area, which is surrounded by M1A1 Army tanks, painted orange of course.
I am NOT saying that CalTrans workers should have less protection. Some of them still get killed out there, so whatever they need for safety they should get. But why don't the cleanup crews have protection?
Then - I kid you not - about 4 miles down the road I saw an honest-to-goodness CalTrans crew. Actually, I could barely see the crew because of the vehicles in the way.
That's four big trucks on the side of the road. You can't tell from the picture, but the road drops off on that side, and down in the embankment there is another CalTrans truck which is near the chain link fence you can see in the distance. The fence is 20-30 yards from the side of the road. There are two guys finishing a job where they were patching about a 40 foot section of the chain link fence. The truck near the fence probably carried the two guys, the fence material, and all of the tools they needed to fix the fence. Did I mention that the fence is down an embankment and pretty far from the road?So two guys were needed to fix a fence that is yards from the highway. Naturally, five huge trucks are dispatched to take care of the job.
At the same time, some weeds that are about a car's length from the highway supposedly need to be cut. So some people who maybe took a 20-minute safety class - which probably consisted of watching a video and trying to pick the least gnarly hardhat and orange vest from a box - are sent out to RISK THEIR LIVES doing what a CalTrans crew could do with one of those giant lawnmower attachments I've seen them use on their trucks.
I'm going to look into this.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Halloween is Over
Well Halloween came and went pretty quickly around here. We have a few empty houses in the neighborhood, and some neighbors just weren't home. As usual, I stayed home to give out candy while Blythe and the kids went trick-or-treating. I would estimate we had fewer than 50 kids come all night, which is not many for our neighborhood. We have lots of young families, and plenty of houses in easy walking distance, so we used to get closer to 100 kids.Halloween seems to be changing. There are more parties and less trick-or-treating. When I realized that, I at first expected to be bummed about the change. But I realized that the door to door begging is really odd anyway. The costumes, and of course the candy, still show up so it's not like the whole tradition is disappearing.
We did have a woman who I've never seen before show up at the door with a stroller containing a sound asleep baby. After she knocked and I opened the door, she held out a plastic pumpkin bucket without a word. I hope I didn't make too much noise when I dropped the candy in the bucket. No, I wasn't worried about waking the baby. She was on her cell phone. I think everything was OK, though. After I dropped the candy in the bucket she laughed into the phone and turned away without even looking at me. Whew, that was close.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Best License Plate Ever
No missing vowels.
No mysterious cypher.
Uses all seven spaces.
Gets to the point.
Just sounds funny when you say it.
First you want to know who it belongs to, and then you want not to know.
Maybe I'll change my blog title again...
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Grail
Well, today I saw a neat video about a little kid who likes to play soccer. That lead to some videos of soccer players doing tricks. I was watching one of those when I realized that soccer players in other countries wear pretty ugly looking combinations of colors. I'm not some fancy dude from a fashion show on Bravo, but even I can see that they wear very bright, intense, ugly colors - especially their huge knee high socks. Of course I began thinking about how we U.S. Americans are so superior to the rest of the world. I mean, our soccer players wear cooler colors. And baseball! They say baseball is our pastime and baseball uniforms...
...look really stupid when you think about it. I googled 'history of baseball uniforms' and found a nice site on the subject. I know baseball players will say it is tradition, but these guys are basically wearing tights and stockings, more than one shirt, and a beanie with a bill in the front. And what part of baseball tradition calls for steroids, illicit drugs, sex scandals and gazillion dollar salaries? If the boys of summer aren't really taking tradition seriously, then I think they just like "dressing up". Or maybe the owners said, "OK, OK, We'll pay you 40 million dollars, but we're going to make you and you manager wear this!".
I realize that some of what they wear has practical purpose. One part I can think of doesn't show, but has got to be the most useful item - the cup. I'm not even going to look it up on the internet. I know that the cup must have been introduced a long time ago. Probably the first time a baseball player got hit in the knards and entered that level of debilitating pain we males claim as ours exclusively (okay, you females have childbirth, but you would make a cup for that if you could. I don't even want to think about getting hit in the nuts for say 8 to 36 hours, but if it happened the pain would kick childbirth's ass.) he came up with an idea for something to stick in his pants to prevent that unique sensation from ever being caused again. Actually, the first few thousand times it happened, the guys probably just stopped playing baseball forever. But a few guys saw it happen, weren't sufficiently scared, and kept playing, but with a plank of wood (well sanded) or a metal bowl stuck in their pants.
When you're wearing a cup, you feel invincible. Every guy, no matter how old he is when he first wears one, will punch it a few times and maybe even get a buddy to kick him there (no TOO hard) to test it. This is a piece of equipment with an acceptable failure rate of zero percent, so we demand proof that it works. But once we believe that it works - we are indestructible. We stand with our legs spread and hips forward just a bit more than otherwise. The Fear is gone. Males have been crashing into and through things all of our lives, and nothing ever hurt much. The only deep worry we all share is the direct hit in the apricots. The only guaranteed guy flinch is a shot toward the dangling orbs. But - once that danger is removed - we cannot be harmed. What if guys wore cups all of the time? Imagine what we could accomplish with the fearlessness that would result. Yes, there would be comfort and hygiene issues, but we would have the motivation to produce the proper model of all-day cup, and with the technology and materials available to us today it would be a snap. It would change everything.
We're not really afraid of much. Not losing a job, not being alone, not being nagged, not lack of approval, not having sex withheld, not falling off of a cliff, not dying. Most of those things we've been through and adjusted to, the rest only happen once. But a zets to the beytse - there's no getting used to that. It is at the core of all male hesitation and caution. Remove that fear and we would be unstoppable. In fact, if you know a guy who doesn't seems to worry about anything, who seems immune to fear of death, disease, or the fact that Sex in the City has been made into a movie, he is probably wearing a cup right now.
When you think about it, the crazier feminists should fear the cup. I'm talking about the really crazy feminists who just don't like men and don't trust them any more than they trust modern deodorant. I don't think women realize that the only deep, real fear men have is getting nailed in the rocks. All that stuff you do to us or threaten us with only seems to scare us because deep down we are afraid that if we don't give in, we'll get a scossa in the sfere. In the spirit of cooperation between the sexes, I will offer this. This cup thing could help men gain an advantage except that we can't wear one when we're naked. So women, get married and get naked with your man as much as possible and everything will be fine. If you don't want to listen to me, don't say I didn't warn you. I've already ordered a production prototype of my new invention.
...look really stupid when you think about it. I googled 'history of baseball uniforms' and found a nice site on the subject. I know baseball players will say it is tradition, but these guys are basically wearing tights and stockings, more than one shirt, and a beanie with a bill in the front. And what part of baseball tradition calls for steroids, illicit drugs, sex scandals and gazillion dollar salaries? If the boys of summer aren't really taking tradition seriously, then I think they just like "dressing up". Or maybe the owners said, "OK, OK, We'll pay you 40 million dollars, but we're going to make you and you manager wear this!".
I realize that some of what they wear has practical purpose. One part I can think of doesn't show, but has got to be the most useful item - the cup. I'm not even going to look it up on the internet. I know that the cup must have been introduced a long time ago. Probably the first time a baseball player got hit in the knards and entered that level of debilitating pain we males claim as ours exclusively (okay, you females have childbirth, but you would make a cup for that if you could. I don't even want to think about getting hit in the nuts for say 8 to 36 hours, but if it happened the pain would kick childbirth's ass.) he came up with an idea for something to stick in his pants to prevent that unique sensation from ever being caused again. Actually, the first few thousand times it happened, the guys probably just stopped playing baseball forever. But a few guys saw it happen, weren't sufficiently scared, and kept playing, but with a plank of wood (well sanded) or a metal bowl stuck in their pants.
When you're wearing a cup, you feel invincible. Every guy, no matter how old he is when he first wears one, will punch it a few times and maybe even get a buddy to kick him there (no TOO hard) to test it. This is a piece of equipment with an acceptable failure rate of zero percent, so we demand proof that it works. But once we believe that it works - we are indestructible. We stand with our legs spread and hips forward just a bit more than otherwise. The Fear is gone. Males have been crashing into and through things all of our lives, and nothing ever hurt much. The only deep worry we all share is the direct hit in the apricots. The only guaranteed guy flinch is a shot toward the dangling orbs. But - once that danger is removed - we cannot be harmed. What if guys wore cups all of the time? Imagine what we could accomplish with the fearlessness that would result. Yes, there would be comfort and hygiene issues, but we would have the motivation to produce the proper model of all-day cup, and with the technology and materials available to us today it would be a snap. It would change everything.
We're not really afraid of much. Not losing a job, not being alone, not being nagged, not lack of approval, not having sex withheld, not falling off of a cliff, not dying. Most of those things we've been through and adjusted to, the rest only happen once. But a zets to the beytse - there's no getting used to that. It is at the core of all male hesitation and caution. Remove that fear and we would be unstoppable. In fact, if you know a guy who doesn't seems to worry about anything, who seems immune to fear of death, disease, or the fact that Sex in the City has been made into a movie, he is probably wearing a cup right now.
When you think about it, the crazier feminists should fear the cup. I'm talking about the really crazy feminists who just don't like men and don't trust them any more than they trust modern deodorant. I don't think women realize that the only deep, real fear men have is getting nailed in the rocks. All that stuff you do to us or threaten us with only seems to scare us because deep down we are afraid that if we don't give in, we'll get a scossa in the sfere. In the spirit of cooperation between the sexes, I will offer this. This cup thing could help men gain an advantage except that we can't wear one when we're naked. So women, get married and get naked with your man as much as possible and everything will be fine. If you don't want to listen to me, don't say I didn't warn you. I've already ordered a production prototype of my new invention.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Who is this Al everybody is talking about?
Lately I have been reading blogs and articles that mention a guy named Al. They never say the man's last name. It's as if it should be obvious which Al they are talking about. I really feel like I'm missing out. So I start thinking - Al Gore? No, there's no context about polar bears for emotional manipulation, or how much jet fuel it takes to get you to Sweden. It can't be Gore. Al Franken? Nothing funny. Not Al Jolson - the things I'm reading when I see Al are not about music or singing, they're usually about science or technology. Albert Einstein? No, for so many years nobody called him Al , why would they suddenly start now?
Let me tell you where I started seeing Al mentioned. One blog post talked about how spammers are using Al to decipher those letter puzzles on websites called CAPTCHAs. Another talked about how computer scientists are now using Al to help advance their entire field. (Maybe it is Al Gore, what with that whole Internet thing he started.) Then there was a blog mentioning a book titled "Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of the Machine" This Al guy is really important in computer science. He's got to be really fast with numbers, because people seem to think he can actually outperform present-day computers.
I tried Googling [Al "really smart"] and got references to Al Stewart of "Time Passages" (or Time Path-a-gezzz) fame, and mention of how the Today show tried portraying Al Franken as "really smart", but nobody would pass up the chance to use the name Franken, so it can't be him. Then there were results involving Alabama. I hadn't thought of that. AL is the abbreviation for Alabama. Could it be that Alabama is deciphering those letter puzzles on websites called CAPTCHAs, and doing other things to advance computer science? I guess if they all work together it's possible, but I just don't know. Besides it's AL not Al.
I can't figure this out. It's weird. Maybe I can get a computer to figure it out for me. I said - maybe I can get a computer to figure it out for me.
Let me tell you where I started seeing Al mentioned. One blog post talked about how spammers are using Al to decipher those letter puzzles on websites called CAPTCHAs. Another talked about how computer scientists are now using Al to help advance their entire field. (Maybe it is Al Gore, what with that whole Internet thing he started.) Then there was a blog mentioning a book titled "Beyond AI: Creating the Conscience of the Machine" This Al guy is really important in computer science. He's got to be really fast with numbers, because people seem to think he can actually outperform present-day computers.
I tried Googling [Al "really smart"] and got references to Al Stewart of "Time Passages" (or Time Path-a-gezzz) fame, and mention of how the Today show tried portraying Al Franken as "really smart", but nobody would pass up the chance to use the name Franken, so it can't be him. Then there were results involving Alabama. I hadn't thought of that. AL is the abbreviation for Alabama. Could it be that Alabama is deciphering those letter puzzles on websites called CAPTCHAs, and doing other things to advance computer science? I guess if they all work together it's possible, but I just don't know. Besides it's AL not Al.
I can't figure this out. It's weird. Maybe I can get a computer to figure it out for me. I said - maybe I can get a computer to figure it out for me.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Endurance Test
If you have ever watched an episode of CSI-Miami (or started to watch and bailed, like I did) you know about the famous Caruso openings and closings. Unfortunately, I don't mean that they feature clips of Enrico Caruso. See what I do mean in this YouTube video I found. It's one of those things that had to be done. See how far you can make it without either laughing or becoming ill - or a cathartic combination of both.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
NOW Softer and Thicker!
Recently we got our newspaper in a bag even though there was no rain in the forecast. The bag was provided by the makers of Brawny paper towels to alert us to important news of the day: Brawny now sells Premium Performance paper towels. I don't usually read the newspaper any more, but if I did I know the good news from Brawny would inoculate me from any sad stories.
But there's more! The newspaper bag actually had another plastic bag attached. I could scarcely contain my glee as I ripped into it with my bare hands. The second bag contained a full color cardboard pamphlet, inside which I found another plastic bag which held a paper towel folded in quarters on a thin cardboard backing. I took a moment to say a prayer of thanks for the multiple layers of plastic to protect my Brawny sample from atmospheric conditions and especially for that last square of cardboard that obviously kept my Brawny sample from being snapped in half or shattered en route to my driveway. I then caressed the paper towel sample. It did indeed feel softer than some things I have felt. Still bursting with excitement, I turned my attention to the inside of the beautiful full color cardboard pamphlet and saw photos of how my Brawny sample might be used.
I am so glad that Brawny went to all of the trouble to attach this protective sample delivery apparatus to my newspaper. Goodness knows, the experience would not have been the same if I had been handed a sample at the grocery store. Then I would have had the chance to refuse the sample (yeah, right) and I would have actually been footsteps away from the product on the shelf. This would seem like Brawny was just trying to use an effective promotional campaign to get me to buy their towels. Brawny also knows that strategy would have required less hi-tech packaging than the newspaper delivery method, and we all know that these packages create jobs since they are still produced and filled by American workers in the good old USA. And of course that paper towel could never have survived a trip to my house if mailed in an envelope.
Well, now I have the sample magneted to my refrigerator, and I can't decide what to use it for. So it's off to brawnytowels.com for the answer.
Below should be a slide show of the integrated packaging system I described.
If it doesn't show try clicking here
Also, you might want to read this letter I found. Make sure you click to page 2.
But there's more! The newspaper bag actually had another plastic bag attached. I could scarcely contain my glee as I ripped into it with my bare hands. The second bag contained a full color cardboard pamphlet, inside which I found another plastic bag which held a paper towel folded in quarters on a thin cardboard backing. I took a moment to say a prayer of thanks for the multiple layers of plastic to protect my Brawny sample from atmospheric conditions and especially for that last square of cardboard that obviously kept my Brawny sample from being snapped in half or shattered en route to my driveway. I then caressed the paper towel sample. It did indeed feel softer than some things I have felt. Still bursting with excitement, I turned my attention to the inside of the beautiful full color cardboard pamphlet and saw photos of how my Brawny sample might be used.
- A spilled glass of milk with the helpful caption, "Thicker to wipe away messy spills that get thrown your way." Perfect! My family throws glasses of milk at me daily.
- A man's hairy hand holding a Brawny towel approaching a dirty frying pan with water running through it in the sink, "With the classic Brawny towel strength you love for your most hard-to-clean messes." Yes! I have always wanted to use paper towels to scrub dirty frying pans. That way they aren't really clean and I can declare them 'seasoned'.
- Then tears welled up in my eyes as I saw the cutest picture of a toddler in a high chair smiling with 6 teeth even though a photographer's assistant just smeared cold spaghetti sauce on his face and scattered noodles around him, "Softer and more cloth-like to clean his face and every other place." Ok. His face - oh, and his hands! Yes, now I see there is sauce on his hands, too.
I am so glad that Brawny went to all of the trouble to attach this protective sample delivery apparatus to my newspaper. Goodness knows, the experience would not have been the same if I had been handed a sample at the grocery store. Then I would have had the chance to refuse the sample (yeah, right) and I would have actually been footsteps away from the product on the shelf. This would seem like Brawny was just trying to use an effective promotional campaign to get me to buy their towels. Brawny also knows that strategy would have required less hi-tech packaging than the newspaper delivery method, and we all know that these packages create jobs since they are still produced and filled by American workers in the good old USA. And of course that paper towel could never have survived a trip to my house if mailed in an envelope.
Well, now I have the sample magneted to my refrigerator, and I can't decide what to use it for. So it's off to brawnytowels.com for the answer.
Below should be a slide show of the integrated packaging system I described.
If it doesn't show try clicking here
Also, you might want to read this letter I found. Make sure you click to page 2.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
taking it one step further
I watch too much TV. Recently, I saw three TV commercials in a row that each made me think:
1. The first one showed people in a fancy-looking restaurant enjoying their pasta dinners and smiling at each other. Then the chef says something like, "I didn't cook any of this, Straw Hat delivered it!" And everyone is so surprised and even happier, and we find out that Straw Hat now has pasta for sale. Wonderful.
They made it look like it was a real restaurant. Wouldn't you be thrilled if you went out for pasta, made foodie comments about how delightful the fettuccine was, and then found out it was made in 25 pound batches - heated from frozen in a Straw Hat Micro-Magic Machine by a teenager who kicked a dead squirrel for two blocks on the way to work.
2. The one with the 21-year-old guys singing about how they hate working at the seafood restaurant, but have no choice because they didn't get their credit report from freecreditreportdotcom.
First, it insults people who work in those places and do a great job. Second, they seem to be marketing toward irresponsible twentysomethings. Those guys know they have lousy credit. If anything, the message is: Don't check your credit report. Then if you are turned down for a job or a loan that you weren't qualified for anyway, you can whine about how you didn't get it because of those gosh-darned credit reporting agencies. So if they aren't going to sell anything, why oh why do we have to sit through the commercial.
(By the way, you can get a free credit report every six months at annualcreditreport.com - a legitimate site where the big three credit reporting agencies are forced by law to provide free reports without making you sign up for some automatically renewing ripoff. Just don't sign up for any of the extras.)
3. An Ocean Spray commercial with those two guys standing waist high in the bog talking about cranberry juice.
The spazzy younger guy who is always bouncing from one foot to the other doesn't bother me too much. Sure he is drinking a lot of cranberry juice, but as long as he keeps hopping I'm not worried about the fact that his body is hidden from the waist down by water topped with a cranberry camouflage. It's the old grumpy guy who bugs me. He must drink plenty of the stuff, and never looks anxious. Even after bogging it for hours, although grumpy, he looks relaxed - or should I say relieved.
Since I just realized that none of this is funny, I'm glad that last commercial reminds me of this video on YouTube - funny, but rated PG.
If you can't see the Youtube screen, try this link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBdymtyXt8Y
1. The first one showed people in a fancy-looking restaurant enjoying their pasta dinners and smiling at each other. Then the chef says something like, "I didn't cook any of this, Straw Hat delivered it!" And everyone is so surprised and even happier, and we find out that Straw Hat now has pasta for sale. Wonderful.
They made it look like it was a real restaurant. Wouldn't you be thrilled if you went out for pasta, made foodie comments about how delightful the fettuccine was, and then found out it was made in 25 pound batches - heated from frozen in a Straw Hat Micro-Magic Machine by a teenager who kicked a dead squirrel for two blocks on the way to work.
2. The one with the 21-year-old guys singing about how they hate working at the seafood restaurant, but have no choice because they didn't get their credit report from freecreditreportdotcom.
First, it insults people who work in those places and do a great job. Second, they seem to be marketing toward irresponsible twentysomethings. Those guys know they have lousy credit. If anything, the message is: Don't check your credit report. Then if you are turned down for a job or a loan that you weren't qualified for anyway, you can whine about how you didn't get it because of those gosh-darned credit reporting agencies. So if they aren't going to sell anything, why oh why do we have to sit through the commercial.
(By the way, you can get a free credit report every six months at annualcreditreport.com - a legitimate site where the big three credit reporting agencies are forced by law to provide free reports without making you sign up for some automatically renewing ripoff. Just don't sign up for any of the extras.)
3. An Ocean Spray commercial with those two guys standing waist high in the bog talking about cranberry juice.
The spazzy younger guy who is always bouncing from one foot to the other doesn't bother me too much. Sure he is drinking a lot of cranberry juice, but as long as he keeps hopping I'm not worried about the fact that his body is hidden from the waist down by water topped with a cranberry camouflage. It's the old grumpy guy who bugs me. He must drink plenty of the stuff, and never looks anxious. Even after bogging it for hours, although grumpy, he looks relaxed - or should I say relieved.
Since I just realized that none of this is funny, I'm glad that last commercial reminds me of this video on YouTube - funny, but rated PG.
If you can't see the Youtube screen, try this link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBdymtyXt8Y
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Spell Checker
In elementary school we each had a dictionary assigned to us, or at least there were enough for everybody to use at once. They had red hard covers, the kind with the semi-rough canvas feel to them. We would use them to look up words whenever the teacher told us to. Sometimes we used them on our own. Oh, but we knew how to use them. They were set up in alphabetical order and even had those semicircular fingertip shaped cutouts on the side of the pages to mark the sections. "A", "B", and "C" had their own cutout while "DE" shared one, and so on. If you could guess the first letter of the word, you were on your way.
How do I spell 'reliable'? That starts with 'R'. Here we go. I pull a dictionary off of the very low shelf below the windows and find a nice clean one. While I return to my desk, and without thinking, I feel the texture of the cover with my hand flat. In my seat I look to the cutouts for "R", find it has its own cutout, and slide my left thumb in there to open the book and see "ravage" in the upper left corner. Yes, we have been taught to use those page headers to narrow our search. I know reliable must have an 'e' next, so I am happy to see "readably" on the upper right of the facing page. I'm already close. Now I turn one thin page at a time, enjoying the page flip sound that signals work being done. I'm watching the upper right as I go - "rebellion" - "reciprocity" - "recourse". Ok, there are more "re" words than I thought, I grab a small stack of pages - "reincur". Another small stack - "resile". Too far - "repulsive" on the left. Back a bit - "reminiscence". Now flinging the pages more to make the noise louder as I close in, back one page - "relic", one more - "reindeer" on the left (with a picture), "reliantly" on the right! Scan down the page "relay" "relay race" "release" "relegate" "relent" "relentless" "relevant" "reliable"! Actually "re li a ble". It's all here. Everything I need. Just as advertised. That's how I thought it was probably spelled, but now I'm sure. It feels good. I don't want to put the dictionary away, but it will never fit in my desk. Besides, putting it away is a legitimate reason to stroll across the classroom and stare out the window at the courtyard for a few seconds.
How do I spell 'reliable'? That starts with 'R'. Here we go. I pull a dictionary off of the very low shelf below the windows and find a nice clean one. While I return to my desk, and without thinking, I feel the texture of the cover with my hand flat. In my seat I look to the cutouts for "R", find it has its own cutout, and slide my left thumb in there to open the book and see "ravage" in the upper left corner. Yes, we have been taught to use those page headers to narrow our search. I know reliable must have an 'e' next, so I am happy to see "readably" on the upper right of the facing page. I'm already close. Now I turn one thin page at a time, enjoying the page flip sound that signals work being done. I'm watching the upper right as I go - "rebellion" - "reciprocity" - "recourse". Ok, there are more "re" words than I thought, I grab a small stack of pages - "reincur". Another small stack - "resile". Too far - "repulsive" on the left. Back a bit - "reminiscence". Now flinging the pages more to make the noise louder as I close in, back one page - "relic", one more - "reindeer" on the left (with a picture), "reliantly" on the right! Scan down the page "relay" "relay race" "release" "relegate" "relent" "relentless" "relevant" "reliable"! Actually "re li a ble". It's all here. Everything I need. Just as advertised. That's how I thought it was probably spelled, but now I'm sure. It feels good. I don't want to put the dictionary away, but it will never fit in my desk. Besides, putting it away is a legitimate reason to stroll across the classroom and stare out the window at the courtyard for a few seconds.
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